Menopause madness
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Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in the "robin_andersen" journal:[<< Previous 20 entries]
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11:34 pm
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Happy Birthday, Ron....
I did remember...
***puts down cookies***
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09:53 pm
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I love my job
I really, really do. I mean, disrespect, lies, abuse and a 4% rate decrease.
What's not to love;)
Current Location: home
Current Mood:  pissed off
Current Music: "Don't Mean Nothing" Richard Marx
Tags: work
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05:27 pm
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hello
Today I seen my old (101 years old) friend laid out. Of course, it didn't look like her, none of her personality showing thru. It wasn't unexpected, it wasn't particularly unwanted (she had been very ill almost all year) but of course it hurts just the same. I hope I got my wits and body about me when I get old....
Current Location: home
Current Mood:  contemplative
Current Music: Goon show
Tags: death, grief
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12:34 pm
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Thank you
It's Memorial Day, a day to remember all those in the military that gave the ultimate sacrifice. ANyone who sacrificed their time and their life in the military, as well as their families, I would like to say thank you for my freedon.
Current Mood:  thankful
Current Music: Taps
Tags: memorial day
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01:02 pm
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memories
I was sitting in the doctor's office, waiting to be seen. I was sure my blood pressure was higher than it should have been because of eating salty food and stress.
For no reason I can think of, I remembered an incident with my older sister Bee that led to great pain for me. My parents were out of the house, not unusual. I was probably 12 or 13, which made Bee about 16 or 17. We were "carrying on", running up and down the steps, being noisy. For some reason I don't remember, I ran into my mother's room and shut the door. There was no lock, so I wedged my foot against the door in an effort to keep Bee out. (There was a huge gap between the bottom of the door and the floor.) However. that wasn't going to keep Bee out. She pushed and I felt a little pressure on my right big toe. Not a problem, I could handle it. SHe pushed very hard - and ripped off the right foot big toe's toenail completely off. I had no toenail left and it hurt like hell and it took a very long time for it to heal and not be incredilbly sensitive.
I find some sort of metaphor in that story about her death. I did sort of expect, bit obviously, not that soon not like it happened, just...well, I guess I really _didn't_ consider it. But emotionally I feel the same, very hurt, very sensitve and I think it will take forever to heal.
Not the best story in the world to tell about a deceased sibling, but a telling one, I believe...
and oh yeah, my blood pressure is higher and he increased my blood pressure meds :(
Current Location: home
Current Mood:  melancholy
Current Music: "After the Gold Rush", Neil Young
Tags: blood pressure, grief, loss, memories, pain, sad, sibling death
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10:29 pm
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fyi
In case anyone is wondering, my right leg has finally healed, although, according to the doc, it will be tender for the next year to year and a half. It's still tender to the touch, definitely cramps my style, whatever that style might be...
They have laid off a few pwople at work and of course, brought in more work.. nothing new there...
Still waiting for that "little miracle"....
Current Location: home
Current Mood: contemplative
Tags: grief, health, leg, work
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05:00 pm
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March Madness
I've had enough March Madness to last one lifetime, thank you.
Christmas was strange. We had decided we weren't going to celebrate it (Kimba and I), just wait a month or so. But that changed. Glad it did.
They did lay off some people at work, one person in my department had almost 20 years. And they kept her for _2_ more weeks after they said "your job has been eliminated". And everyday, my supervisor would say "if you don't do(insert insane demand here), you won't get your severance package". You'd think the supervisor would be happy, she didn't like the woman and wanted her out, so she won. I would say she's a poor winner....
I've got a heavy duty head cold. I put on pjs on Thursday night and basically stayed in them all weekend. I already called out sick for tomorrow. I feel better, but I think I need a little more rest....
there's probably more but I can't think....
Current Location: home
Current Mood:  sick
Tags: head cold, work
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12:35 pm
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this is a rant
so you're warned, so all this is whining......
This has been a very rough year. My grandmother died in March - not unexpected (she was 100) but still painful. Cadbury the bunny broke his back in May & had to be put to sleep. I had a hysterectomy in July & popped out my stitches...the day after that, I broke my leg. I finally went back to work in September and my supervisor, well.... let's say she kicked the rension up to a new level. My leg has not healed (too much stress) yet....One of my older sisters died in October, I was denied the bone stimulator to help heal my leg, the oven caught on fire on Thanksgiving (never had that happen before) and had to put Spike, out oldest cat, to sleep because he had pleural effusion and the cardiologist suggested (basically) a fishing expedition to see what was wrong....But he kept being filled up with fluid :(
so I am not in a happy place. They are talking about layoffs where I'm at, but no info on how they will decide. My supervisor is out on medical leave & a new supervisor will be rolling in this week. I don't ususally feel sorry for myself, but I do not.
SO if anybody wants to pat me on the head and say "poor baby"......well, I could use it.......
Current Location: home
Current Mood:  gloomy
Current Music: "Crazy Love Part 2" Paul Simon
Tags: baking, grief, sad, work
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12:17 pm
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Writer's Block: Full Moon Fever
yes, if it can affect the tides, it can affect people. I worked at an ambulance company many years ago & it was_always_ busiest the day before, the fday of & the day after the full moon. I had both my cubs on the first day of the full moon (obviosly different years)...and even now, working in the bursing home biz, you see more people going into the homes (and leaving permanently) at that time period...
Tags: full moon, superstitions, writer's block
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10:28 am
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unlucky me
My older sister died sometime between Sunday evening and Tuesday night. I found out this morning. I hadn't spoken to her since Sunday, tho I called her a few times on Monday and Tuesday. My nephew (not her sone, my youngest sister's son) had to break down the door and found her dead with her dog next to her. He had to call the cops and he got grilled about why he was there.
She's been in and out of the hospital all year. She had tons of medical problems, but I think it may have be a heart attack. She was in the hospital Friday into Saturday morning. They gave her a choice to stay in the hospital or go home and she chose go home. I had talked to her Sunday & she said she felt good and she seemed to be in upbeat frame of mind.... I tried going to work today and made it for less than a half an hour. I had thought I could do it, but you can tell when I've been crying, so people asked - and I told them. It becomes more real with each retelling. My son took me home. It's _NOT_ easier the second time around......
Current Location: home
Current Mood:  crushed
Current Music: "I Grieve For You",Peter Gabriel
Tags: grief, sibling, sibling death
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07:43 pm
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Happy Thanksgiving!
to all you lucky Canadians who will be woofing down on turkey! *sigh*
I love turkey.....
Current Location: home
Current Mood:  sniffly
Current Music: Rolf Harris "Stairway to Heaven"
Tags: canada day, thanksgiving
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07:11 pm
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pimping
Anyone who is interested in Kimba plushies, here's the site for you - and there's a sale going on. Shop early and shop often;)
http://www.whitelionrestorations.com/index.htm
yes, it's _my_ Kimba's site so I do have a personal interest in this....
Current Location: home
Current Mood:  relaxed
Current Music: "Kimba the White Lion" tv show theme song
Tags: kimba, kimba the white lion, pimping, sale
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12:52 pm
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"Mom" moment
Today would have been my mom's 78th birthday. She died about 13 years ago. Tonight my dear cubs will come over & we will eat Chinese food (because Mom liked Chinese food) and maybe watch a movie, it depends.
When my mom died, the visiting nurse said I looked just like my mom. I don't really but it made me feel good at the time. I would deny I'm anything like my mom but actually it would be a lie. There are many instances where I am like Mom.
The most recent one has to do with my stay in the hospital after my hysterectomy. I was supposed to get up and walk in the hall, typical therapy. They said I could walk in my lovely hospital gown;) No Way! I cleaned up and dressed in my lovely pink gown and robe Kimba bought me. There was _no_way_ I was "going in public" looking bad. ( I got a lot of compliments on that gown and robe.)Which is funny because it's something I wouldn't have thought of before. My mom always tried to make sure she was dressed well and she was. To me, even now, she's the most beautiful woman that has ever lived. She wasn't always easy to get along with by any stretch of the imagination. And I certainly wasn't what she wanted/expected in a daughter. But after my kids were born, we had a different relationship. I was glad I got the chance to take care of her during her illness, it really taught me a lot about life.
Whereever you are, Mom, Happy Birthday and I miss you terribly....
Tags: birthday, death, family, grief, memories, moms
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02:46 pm
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mrs grumpypants
That's me today. we had my brother's 60th birthday party at Cactus Willie's and my oldest sister plucks my nerves....or actually she pisses me off, that's the truth. She hasn't contacted me since my surgery or my accident. She never calls unless she wants something. I should be used to it, but it still pisses me off.
Last night, she ignored us practically the whole night. As far as I know I hadn't done anything to irritate her, but who knows what irritates her? She makes Rush Limbaugh look like the most liberal liberal you could ever meet. I mean, my nephew's gay, everybody knows, and she and her husband won't speak to him. Do you "catch it" thru the air or something? She asked my older sister, who has been in & out of the hospital all summer to cat sit her cats while Mattie goes on vacation...Bee looks like hell before daylight, her face and neck are all purple and her eyes don't seem to be working properly (no, I'm not joking - she was in the hospital the day before getting hydrated)...Bee said "I don't know, depends on what the doctor says", a reasonable thing given Bee's been in the hospital every week for the last 5 or 6 weeks. So Mattie asks _me_ to "take care of the children". I don't drive, and I couldn't anyway with a broken leg. It would be approximately $25 a day to go to their house (gas, tolls - plus you're supposed to do it _twice_ a day) and feed their cats, scoop out 4 litter boxes and vacumm the rug and mop the floor. Give me a break. I can't even mop my own damned floor, why would I go across town to mop somebody else's?
I told her she had to ask Kimba, he was sitting there with me. I told her I couldn't make any promises to do that. She never asked Kimba. I can't have her monster cats here with my cats, her cats tear up everything and piss all over the place. And that's their sociable side;)
It just aggravates me so much that she thinks everybody should drop what they are doing and cater to her. Plus her oldest cat (I think) is dying, but Mattie _still_ has to go on vacation - after boo-hooing about it. Of course, she did that when my mom was dying and when my younger sister was dying - why would I think she'd be more caring of her cat? She has skated by her whole life ("'oh, I can't stand to see Mom/Howie that way") and somebody, generally me, has picked up her slack. Not anymore. And her husband - she can keep him, too. He never tries to muck in with the rest of the family and they been married at least 15 years, so it's not like he doesn't know us.
*sigh* I need to let this go, I know Kimba's right about this....but it's been a lifetime pattern, so it's difficult....
but she's the reason I'm Mrs Grumpypants today.....
Current Location: home
Current Mood:  grumpy
Current Music: "Go Your Own Way" Fleetwood Mac
Tags: cat, sibling
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02:43 pm
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Happy Birthday, Tir'
I want to say "Happy birthday, Tir'". I hope it's a good one for you .
Current Location: home
Current Mood: grumpy
Tags: birthday
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06:07 pm
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Menopause - no country for old women;)
well, how can Isum up these last few weeks....the hysterectomy went okay, the pathology report showed no surprises (HOORAY!) of course there was some pain and discomfort, but hey, it's a surgery, so what can you expect....I was healing pretty well until last week.
Last Monday my surgical incision popped open. No, really, popped open with lots of blood. It looked like a murder scene in my house, blood everywhere. Poor Kimba had to not only clean up the mess but pack the incision and take me to the doctor. Doctor examined it, cleaned it & repacked it, showing Kimba _another_ chore he has to do - repacking the dressing twice a day. The incision (which in case you're wondering, it is vertical not horizontal) opened about 4 inches long and about 1 inch deep. now it's about 3 inches long and about 1/2 inch deep.
Last Tuesday, my recovery seriously got derailed. I missed a step at my youngest sister's house and brought all my weight on my right foot. It HURT. I screamed like I never screamed before in my life. I thought it was just a sprain and went home to do the whole RICE thing - you know, rest, ice, compression and elevation. I limped around, first using a walking stick and than just walking around. I had a brace or an ace wrap on it, but still wasn't worried. Than about Friday I noticed the foot was all bruised up and still sore.
Today I find out I got a fractured tibia. lucky me. So I can't walk around without using my walking stick and I am supposed to keep it elevated as much as possible. I can't take a walk outside because I can't negotiate the steps. *sigh* I guess I won't be planting bulbs next month, it may take 6 weeks or more for the foot to heal.
I think that's enough whining for me today. I'm limp over to the sofa and wait for my lemonade.....
Current Location: home
Current Mood:  cranky
Current Music: "Go your Own Way" - Fleetwood Mac
Tags: "summer of you", broken tibia, health, hysterectomy
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07:55 pm
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I'm back.....
yup. got out of the hospital last Friday (the 11th). Had the stitches and staples removed on Wednesday, the 16th. The doctor says I am getting around pretty good and healing pretty well..........
there's a lot more to go on about in that regard, but just a simple post for now..
Wednesday was my younger cub's birthday, he's _27_ ! (those from ALF, Nekomancer)....I can't believe it. He came over today & we had an orange swirl cake with orange icing. I baked the cake before I went to the hospital & froze it. I also made the icing at that time. I was apprehensive, but it turned out pretty well....
My "baby" is 27! What do I need a uterus for?
Current Location: home
Current Mood:  tired
Current Music: "Love Machine" (no, I have no idea who or _why_)
Tags: "summer of you", birthday, cake, hysterectomy, nekomancer, will
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02:37 pm
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later
I got about 8 million things to do, surgery is tomorrow (_eeeek_) and I'm fooling around on the computer. Delaying what I got to do won't change the deadline, but here I am anyway....
I don't know when I'll be back here typing away, probably 2 weeks or so. I'll probably be in the hospital from Tuesday to maybe Friday, so if you happen to know Kimba, please tell him don't fret....
I got to get my project bag together - 6 weeks sitting around translates to a lot of crocheting time...
Current Location: home
Current Mood:  anxious
Tags: "summer of you", crochet, hysterectomy
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11:19 pm
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~/o Oh Canada ~/o
Happy Canada Day!
Current Location: home
Current Mood:  sleepy
Current Music: "Oh Canada"
Tags: canada day
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03:13 pm
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my hysterectomy and the revolution
What do these two things have in common? Neither will be televised;) That is because I am having a total abdominal hysterectomy (for those who aren't med records geeks, here's the definition - uterus & cervix with a "vaginal cuff" being made) The ovaries may or may not come out depending on their condition. Women need ovaries like a fish needs a bicysle, oh, sorry, that was some feminist rhetoric, wasn't it? Oh, women need ovaries because of the hormones & the dash of testosterone needed to maintain the libido....The incision will be made in the stomach, no laproscope. The recovery time is about 3 days in the hospital and about 8 weeks at home.
For those of you who are disappointed that I won't be adding that surgery to my catalog of films;) (including "Rob's Guts", "Rob's Guts II" and the smashing success "No, Really, Rob's Guts Look Like Jellyfish") I don't know what to tell you. I was told none of the removed body parts could come home with me - there goes my plans for a silverplated rhinestone encrusted uterus pendant - with possible matching ovary earrings;) and a bunch of other stuff regarding the risks of surgery and all that happy stuff.
If I sound upbeat and silly, it's because I'm trying to be. I am afraid, but I believe this is the best alternative to the precancerous growth. I can't live my life from one biopsy to the next, wondering if the next one will tell me something I _really_ don't want to hear. Yeah, uterine cancer is supposed to grow slowly, but what if somebody forgot to clue the cancer in on that?
The surgery is July 8. Than I'll be having a "staycation " (thanks, "Corner Gas") at home, presumably being able to catch up on all the things I need to catch up on. See, I'm counting on feeling great after the surgery even though nobody told me I would and in fact I've been told I would feel rotten. I'll probably sleep a lot....
no tomatoes, no swimming, no sex, what kind of goofy ass summer is _this_?
Current Location: home
Current Mood:  thirsty
Current Music: the "Sesame Seed" roll commercial
Tags: "summer of you", eulogy for an uterus, hysterectomy, whining
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